The Zombie Apocalypse Hits Salem

The Zombie Apocalypse has hit Salem, Virginia. It's the only explanation. When I pulled up from my FOUR HOUR DRIVE to the Salem Red Sox's stadium the entire place was empty. It has to be the zombie apocalypse because the only other explanation for a stadium this empty is that they called the game off very, very early - probably the day before. The place didn't even have that couple of employees who didn't get their call not to come in (it always happens).

How do I know it was a zombie apocalypse rather than a rain cancelled game? Well, you see, I know they have my cell number. A nice kid calls every year and tries to sell me season tickets, so I know they could have texted. I also know they have my email:

One of three email addresses that send me Red Sox stuff.

A message via text or email would have come if they cancelled the game. It's not like I was an unexpected visitor; I ordered my ticket sometime at the beginning of last month.

So, you see, it has to be the zombie apocalypse. It's the only reasonable explanation.